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’ She sighed again. ‘How do you know that?’ I opened my mouth but faltered. How did I know it was going to be okay? I was silent. She looked at me now, saw something in my face. ‘I’m sorry. I’m in a shit mood.’ ‘It’s okay. Really it is. I feel like shit too.’ Something made me not look away. Things unknown were breaking in my chest and my eyes began to sting. I didn’t know what was happening but I knew this: I cared for Kim and I wanted her to be happy. ‘Yeah why? You’ve got everything to live for.’ She smiled wryly. ‘Me? Are you kidding? I’m a fuckin mess Kim.’ She smiled and looked down. No! I don’t want this to be about me. Cheer her up mate – say something! ‘What pisses you off the most?’ ‘Everything. I hate everything. My job. My bullshit life. I’m a fucking nobody.’ ‘You have friends Kim. I like you. Your mum loves you. You have a great sense of humour. You’re kind.’ She laughs at me, it’s a sudden and sharp burst of ridicule. She stops it as quickly as she started and again. Fortunately the room is pleasantly warm..."Look, can you tell me what's happened?"Again the nurse ignores me. She measures the amount I have drunk and the amount in the urine bag. She looks at some figures on a chart. Perhaps the amount which has gone into me, from the infusion?Then she asks: "How is your tummy?" Er, fine I think ... how do you mean?" Do you feel sick?" No, not at all. Should I?" Good", is all the reply I get.However, she seems satisfied because then she takes down the drip. (2) It stings as the plastic canula is drawn from my arm. She straps a band-aid across the exit wound. She disconnects me from the ECG leads and the coloured lines on a monitor all go flat. She peels the sticky electrode pads from my skin and wipes the sticky residue away and then goes to the foot of the trolley. She fiddles with the catheter and gently pulls. It comes away. She wipes some drops of urine onto a pad. She drops the pad, catheter, urine bag and intravenous infuser into an orange.
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